Steve & I went to Barnes & Noble Saturday night to see the Rev. Michael Dowd speak on his book, Thank God for Evolution, and find out how the marriage of science and religion could transform our lives and world. We were expecting to hear some sentimental pseudoscience that focused on evidence that we were created by God in the image of God. But we were surprised.

There was the expected amount of watered-down science. Dowd talked about how human nature (virtue, temptation, and sin) can be explained in terms of the biological evolution of the brain. He presented a diagram of the evolved human brain designed by his wife, popular science writer Connie Barlow:

The lizard represents the “Lizard Legacy,” which he said just manages the three… F’s… feeding, fffff-something, and fucking, only he didn’t say fucking—he said “copulation.” (Get it? Copulation doesn’t start with an F! You thought he was going to say it, but no, he’s more wholesome than that.) Then there’s the “Fuzzy L’il Mammal,” which… I don’t remember what he attributed to that… general area… of the brain. Basic ability to reason? Caring for young? Pack mentality? Then there’s the “Monkey Mind,” which cares about things like status and basic communication. And, finally, the “Higher Porpoise,” which he said is exactly what it sounds like. That is, presumably, the part of the brain that is moral or ethical or religious or whatever word you want to use. He talked about how understanding our sins and our humanity required knowledge and understanding about the conflicts between these parts of our brain.

And, of course, this is a gross oversimplification. To attempt to explain, say, marital infidelity entirely in terms of biology is… I don’t even know what it is. Maybe just unromantic.

So his science was a bit fuzzy. But his main argument was actually reasonable… at least, we think so. He spoke about “day language” and “night language”. “Day language,” he said, are things that are plausible and true in the reality that exists when you are awake and alive in the world. “Night language,” he said, was things that are plausible and true when you sleep. The Bible stories may be interpreted as being written in “night language,” which we think was just a euphemism for “metaphoric language.” We think he was arguing for a literal interpretation of scientific fact and a metaphoric interpretation of the Bible. So, basically, he’s selling Unitarianism.

So you’d think I’d have gone for it, but actually, Steve & I were left with really different impressions of the talk… his more favorable than mine. Surprising, considering I’m the Unitarian. Steve thought it was reasonable to try and convince hardcore “flat earth” Christians to believe in science, even if doing so required watering down fact and speaking in flowery language. I think speaking about religion in euphemistic terms think is both condescending and ineffective. Things are true in the world, or they aren’t. Stories are metaphor, or they’re fact. There’s very little in between for me.

So? It was an experience. I’d like for us to go more place we don’t belong more often.

Cookies melded with Reese’s peanut butter cups… People Pops? Brutal… A Mallow Burger and Mallow Fries to go with it. The Mallow Burger is a full 343 calories—more than an actual burger, but with none of the protein. The fries are just as bad on their own, but come with a packet of red berry “ketchup” for you to smear on them. Oh my.

I saw this Burberry window display in Orange County’s South Coast Plaza and found it curious. It features two collegiate manboys lustily admiring a Burberry-wearing coed in braces.

I’ve read Nabokov and Ginsberg, and it’s not like I find the concept shocking or even entirely repulsive. Cheap? Sure. Distasteful? You bet. But mostly I find it confusing. Who is this targeting? Men who love girls? Girls who want to be loved by men?

I suspect this display aims to induce anxiety in female shoppers. I mean, what woman wasn’t insecure as a flat-chested, metal-mouthed scamp? I wonder if Burberry hopes insecurity might drive South Coast’s finest into ameliorating bruised egos with expensive scarves and purses. Just look, the awkward youth on the display is wanted! (Maybe you will be too, if you buy that coat.)

And South Coast’s patrons can afford it. South Coast Plaza, the largest mall in Orange County at 2.8 million square feet, has infamously prodigal patrons. It has the highest annual sales per square foot of any mall in California—an estimated $800—according to a 2006 Women’s Wear Daily article. The mall generates more than a billion dollars in annual revenue, making it the highest-volume mall in the United States.

South Coast boasts one or two of every store I can think of, and then a bunch more. Plus the South Coast Repertory Theater, three commercial art galleries, and the Orange Lounge offshoot of the Orange County Museum of Art. It’s huge. Monumental. Busses of Japanese tourists are dumped here daily. And they take pictures in front of it and then blow lots and lots of yen.

So I suppose Burberry’s use of manipulative advertising doesn’t hurt patrons financially. I also know Burberry’s advertising is all about the waif look (à la spokeswaif Kate Moss), and I know prepubescent girls are waif-like in nature. But braces? I feel like this ad is pushing it.

I’m actually surprised no one’s voiced concerns in conservative Orange County. There’s outrage over dinosaurs, but not over the eroticism and commodification of innocents in training bras?

I worry about the effect this sort of thing has on all the young girls who shop at South Coast. A bunch of South Coast’s teenaged regulars attend a nearby high school and, just last year, picked the theme “Moulin Rouge” for their winter formal. No one batted an eyelash. Related?

At least this gives Kyle one more reason to hate on the trademarked plaid.

Food 4 Less makes me depressed. I used to walk through the aisles picking things up, examining the food labels, and putting things back down, dissatisfied with the crap contained therein. These days I’ve learned to stick to produce, but I see what everyone else is buying and it makes me sad.

One of the saddest things I ever saw was a young woman buying two industrial-sized boxes of frozen corndogs, a case of generic diet soda, and a handbasket full of Purina® Fancy Feast® Gourmet Cat Food. She spent more on the cat than herself.

Almost as depressing are the families whose shopping lists are dictated by coupons. The woman whose got a pack of Kraft® Macaroni & Cheese, two frozen boxes of Smucker’s® Uncrustables® PB&J sandwiches, a clear 12-pack of Handi-Snacks® Cheese and Crackers, a bag of Tyson® Honey BBQ Boneless Chicken Wyngs, two cases of Cherry Coke®, and two infants in her basket.

And it’s not just the food that’s unhealthy at Food 4 Less. It’s also the products. The Barbie® Dolls aren’t the same ones sold at FAO Schwartz. They don’t carry the classy collectible Red Carpet Badgley Mischka Barbie® or the Golden Angel Barbie® at Food 4 Less. When they carry Barbie® Dolls, it’s the cheaper My Scene® line—Barbie® Dolls with thicker eye shadow, shorter dresses, boas, flamboyant jewelry, pouty glossed-over lips, and platform pumps.

It’s not enough to pump kids’ bodies full of high-fructose corn syrup and preservatives. They have to pump kids’ minds full of garbage, too.

And it’s not just the kids’ minds at stake. As I check out each week, I look at the magazine rack, chocked full of sweepings for women more numb and less lucky than I am. Women who latch onto cover images of chocolate-coconut cakes, sugar cups, and other edible comforts. Women who pick up the magazines to read about miracle diets. Women who are too tired to notice that they can’t consume fatty comfort now and still get slimmer hips in 15 days.

They throw these magazines onto the conveyor belt, on top of brightly colored boxes of junk. They pay in cash and coupons, and then they bag their own groceries.

I hate Food 4 Less. But Garden Grove is too dumb for a Trader Joe’s.